My Year Of Eating Like The World Ended Report 6 – The Walking Dead Edition

Sunday 10.14.2018

Breakfast: Cream of Evil (340 Calories) (more Strawberry Cream of Wheat)

Lunch: Canned Evil (460 Calories) (more of that awful canned ham with noodles and cheese)

Dinner: Nothing

Half Coffee: 150 calories

Total: 950

Winter is coming.  There’s no doubting it now.  It won’t be long before the first snow, which means that I’ve got to get the drawbridge to the Cattary fixed before then.  Its current design is inadequate, because Bella Bug is an escape artist and she has found a way past the chicken wire defenses.

In the current design, the chicken wire is hooped over the plank that leads from the pet door in the window to the kennel.  Bella has figured out that if she hops onto the tarp roof of the kennel, she can get on the hooped chicken wire atop the drawbridge, use her weight to smoosh it down, and crawl back into the house.

The fear is, since she’s already damaged it, the first snow will crush it like a cheap beer can.  I’ve got a revised design (Drawbridge 2.0) in mind…just need to find time and an extra pair of hands to implement.


Monday 10.15.2018

Breakfast: Canned Evil (460 Calories)

Lunch: Canned Evil (460 Calories)

Dinner: Nothing

Half Coffee: 150

Total: 1070

Surprise!  Another cold day.  Another grueling writing schedule, and the cold’s making it even harder.  Hooked the electric blanket up tonight.  Mmm…electric blanket.


Tuesday 10.16.2018

Breakfast: Multi-Grain Cereal (360 Calories) – Had to take a break from eating strawberry flavored concrete

Lunch: PB&J (230 Calories)

Dinner: PB&J (230 Calories)

Half coffee: 150 calories

Total: 970

Arranged two important trades today.  One – I got rid of my remaining stock of Canned Evil.  YAY!  Took a per meal loss on it, but netted myself a whole turkey!  It’s a smallish bird, but I’ll take it.

Also arranged to swap labor (more fence repair) for an extra pair of hands for the Drawbridge Redesign project.  I’m doing my part today, so not much writing.


Wednesday 10.17.2018

Breakfast: Multi-grain cereal (360 Calories)

Lunch: Nothing

Dinner: Steak and Corn (approximately 1000 calories)

Snack:  Bag of mixed nuts (675 calories)

Half Coffee: 150 calories

Total: 2185

Exhausted, but mission accomplished.  Managed to write three short pieces when all that was done, and then face planted.  My bedroom smells like Ben-Gay and I don’t care.  I ache.  Damn, I’m getting old.


Thursday 10.18.2018

Breakfast: Multi-Grain Cereal (360 calories)

Lunch: Nothing

Dinner: Freeze dried sweet and sour Asian rice with sirloin tips and veggies (about 2700 calories in all for five servings – ate two so 1080

Half Coffee: 150 calories

Total: 1590

I have a superpower.  Like ‘The Thing’ and Wolverine, I can take one hell of a beating, and I bounce back from injuries really fast.  Unfortunately, this superpower comes with a curse.  I tend to be a magnet for damage.

I think in part, this is because I am a giant, so I rely on my sheer size and strength to carry me through or past most obstacles.  Unfortunately, that means that those obstacles do their damage.

Today was like that.

One of the mini-moos got caught up in some barbed wire, except they’re not mini any more.  They weigh close to a thousand pounds each.

I used to do animal rescue back in South Carolina, so I know the basics.  When I heard the sounds of an animal in distress, I went to check it out and got asked to assist.  I readily agreed.

Cows are social animals.  The other three were standing around in close proximity, bleating and trying to figure out a way to help.  The fourth had his rear leg tangled in some barbed wire from another section of fence they had knocked down.

I approached slowly, head on, arms out.  They knew me, and the injured animal let me come close.

I gave him a head butt, pressing my forehead against his in greeting and then gave his ears a scratch as I slowly moved toward the injured leg, soothing and calming.

Got to an angle where I could study how best to untangle before moving and then, since there was no way to control the animal, bent down, and as swiftly as I could, executed my impromptu strategy.

It almost worked.

Well, no…it did work, in that the animal got freed.  Unfortunately, once the barbed wire was off of him, he bucked like a horse and jumped away.

This agitated the other three who were close by and everyone started milling around excitedly.

During the kick, I was struck a glancing blow and knocked over.

During the milling about, I was…not trampled exactly…more like knocked around the pasture like a bearded pinball for the better part of a minute before everybody calmed down.

The moos, not used to seeing a human lying in the field, suddenly became concerned.

The injured cow came up to thank me for freeing him, and did so by licking my face.

Cow tongues are like a combination of a dog and a cat tongue.  Extra slobbery, but raspy, like a cat.  I rate a face full of cow tongue as being the #7 most uncomfortable feeling on the planet.  UGH.

One of the others decided my jacket looked tasty and tried to eat it as I was regaining my feet.  Cows ain’t picky.

Somehow, I landed on a rock in the pasture that was equipped with damaged vertebrae seeking technology, because I landed precisely on my ruptured L5 disc.  I regained my feet, but it wasn’t an easy task.

Got home and immediately put the TENS unit on, took a handful of Advil and loaded up on the icy hot.  I expect that the next week or so will be pure hell.

Managed to haul myself up long enough to make dinner.  If I’d been more coherent, I would have put chicken in the rice stuff.  As it was, I just grabbed something off the shelf.  Didn’t really care what it was.  Turned out to be sirloin tips.  Okay by me.

The rice stuff is pretty good.  Definitely better with chicken though.  Again, the recipe calls for WAY too much water.  Will tone it down by about twenty percent when I make the next bag.


Friday 10.19.2018

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch: Nothing

Dinner: More of the rice stuff (1080 calories)

Half Coffee: 150 Calories

Total: 1230 calories

Moved around enough to eat and occasionally put more icy hot on my back.


Saturday 10.20.2018

Breakfast: Pop Tart (running low on those) (400 Calories)

Lunch: Last of the Asian rice stuff (540 calories)

Dinner: Nothing

Half Coffee 150 calories

Total:  1090 calories

Still feel like I’ve been hit by a train but made myself get up today.  Got help to rebuild the drawbridge and mostly supervised after outlining my vision.  I think it turned out pretty well but would have preferred to be more hands-on with it.  Unfortunately, I’m having trouble maintaining a standing position just now, so…anyway, I pitched in as I was able and I think the redesign came out pretty well.  Bella has been giving me some serious visual insubordination because she’s unable to defeat the new design and go outside whenever she wants.  Tough.  She’ll get over it.

It’s Sunday as I post this report – it’s late, and I apologize for that.  Hopefully, I’ll be back in fighting shape over the next couple days so that the next one is on time.  For now, I’m publishing this and going back to bed.


BP: 167/122 (high – in pain.  Don’t care)

Weight: 327


Standing trade deals

Just the one.  Bust two pallets a month for 2 gals of milk, half a dozen eggs and a venison steak.


Until next time!

-=Vel the Human Pinball=-

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